How to deal with shit as you grow

Today we’re talking about how to deal with shit as you grow. This topic was sparked by my friend, who last night mentioned in passing that I’d been ill since about the 16th of December. “Do you think it’s stress?” he said.

I didn’t feel stressed because I’m enjoying everything that’s been happening. But there’s a lot going on and I’m busy and working hard.

This is often the way when a business grows. Right before you get to the next level, there’s a real period of tension because you’re trying to do something you’ve never done before.

You start to doubt yourself, and other people start to doubt you. They say: “Are you sure you want to do that?” and all that kind of shit. Then, when you reach that next level, you uncover all the problems in your business that didn’t matter at the level below.

“Everyone has shit to deal with”

I used to be idealistic. I used to think: “Oh, once the business gets to this point, life will be easy,” or, “Once I get to this body weight, life will be easy,” or, “Once I get this house, life will be easy.”

At the same time as that, my dad came out of prison and he’s in hospital. My mom’s not particularly well. My nan has Alzheimer’s.

These are all things that other people I know are dealing with.

I’m not asking for anyone to get their violin out for me. But no amount of money, success, personal growth, going to Los Angeles, or going to WrestleMania takes away from the fact that I couldn’t go to my auntie’s funeral.

Or that I had to visit my dad in a mental hospital on Christmas Eve. And then I left. I haven’t seen him again since. Everyone has shit to deal with.

“I feel lucky every day”

The way I deal with it now is different. I used to take everything personally. I’d actually say I felt like a victim of life. I used to think: “Why does this always happen to me?”

Now I feel really lucky every day.

If you’re at a similar stage of business growth, where you’re afraid to take on the next member of staff because you’re not sure the business will grow enough to support them in six months, what’s the worst that could happen?

OK, maybe you end up having to sack someone. But if you want the responsibility of running a company, that comes with the responsibility of potentially having to sack someone.

The last time I had to let someone go, I made peace with it by reminding myself that I was protecting everyone else’s jobs.

Horrible thing to have to do, but that’s the professional, objective way to look at it.

“If the good outweighs the bad, it’s the right decision”

The next time you’re in this phase with your business – taking on staff, investing in tech or machinery or whatever else helps you grow – do this. Write a list of all the good things about what you’re about to do, and all the bad. And if the good outweighs the bad, it’s the right decision.

If something bad has happened, one of the things I’ll do is write down all the good things that could come from it. Which sometimes seems messed up. The greatest gift I was ever given – and also the worst thing that ever happened to me – was that my best friend committed suicide.

The insight that’s given me in life is massive. The empathy it’s given me for other people is huge. Her name was Emily.

Now, when I’m struggling, I’ll think: “Would Emily want me to feel like this?” I’ve turned it into a superpower.

 “Focus on what you can control”

And that’s the thing. At the time, I didn’t know what good could come of something so bad. It’s the same in many situations in life; you lose your job and it feels like the worst thing in the world. Then you get another job that’s much more aligned with who you want to be, so it was a good thing. 

You just couldn’t see it at the time.

In life and in business, the future is murky. No one knows what’s coming tomorrow, so you might as well focus on what you can control. I’m one of the biggest worriers out there, so I’m not virtue-signalling or preaching.

I’m just saying this is how I cope with changes in business growth, the economy, the environment and my comfort zone.

Like Friday, I’m speaking in a room full of a hundred hyper-focused coaches. That makes me feel a bit nervous. Because I care, and I want to do a good job for the people in the room. It’s the least they deserve if they’re going to listen to me for an hour.

“This isn’t a Q&A, go f**k yourself”

Old me would have been thinking: “I’m not good enough to do this.” “What if it goes wrong?”. “What if someone heckles me?”

I’ve been heckled before, so I know what that feels like. I get heckling comedians, but heckling someone who’s trying to help you? Weird. Now, I’d just be like: “This isn’t a Q&A, go f**k yourself.”

Growth requires you to leave your comfort zone. The more you get comfortable with these periods of discomfort, the more resilient you’ll be. You can’t bubble-wrap yourself and expect to grow.

There’ll always be challenges.

If you want the office with the staff and the nice equipment, it comes with limited company-level problems. Big holiday? It comes with having-to-pay-for-it problems. Travelling the world comes with missing-important-family-event problems.

Not working on your relationship with your partner? Problems. Even if you do work on it, it will come with problems.

But that’s what reaching the next level is about – enjoying the challenge despite the struggle.

Don’t miss the next episode of Stay Hungry – we’ll dive into straight-talking insights on business marketing, growth mindset, and the realities of running a business. And if you want to take the hassle out of your marketing, we’ve got you covered with our done-for-you service.