Advice Not to Fall on Deaf Ears | 5 Tough Lessons I Learned in 2024
The inspiration for today’s blog is a note I have on my phone called “Advice Not to Fall on Deaf Ears,” which I’m pretty sure I stole from James Smith. It reminds me that every experience is an opportunity to learn something, and sometimes that knowledge comes from tough lessons.
In 2024, I had plenty of those.
It started with my business partner, Andy, wanting to leave Codebreak. It’d been on the cards for longer than I care to admit. I knew from late 2023 that running an agency wasn’t for him anymore – managing staff, handling risk, it’s a lot.
Not that he wasn’t dedicated to his work, but he was getting older and had two kids to think about, whereas I was just getting started.
At that time, my mental health was shot to bits because I wasn’t getting paid as much as I should’ve been from the business. My self-worth was pretty low. I also wanted to make it an awesome environment for my staff and felt like I was hitting roadblocks.
Stuck between a rock and a hard place
It’s not that Andy didn’t want to do that too. But when you’ve got two owners who both need to be paid, echoes of COVID, and various other challenges, it was hard. Even landing on a decision between two people was difficult.
So when I went to Miami last year, I was in a bad place.
It was the first time I felt like I wasn’t just anxious but truly low. I’ve had spells of anxiety before, where the worry was illogical – catastrophising something that would never happen.
But the thoughts I was having in late 2023 and early 2024 weren’t illogical.
When I ran them past others, they said they’d feel the same way. That’s really scary – when you feel that low, and people validate it. I wasn’t going to go and find a job – that’s not me. And that’s no slight on Andy; it’s just not who I am.
So, I felt stuck in a “do or die” situation. At that time, I had to work really hard on my mental health – harder than ever – just to show up for everyone.
After I shared this story on stage, people came up to me and said they’d never have known. You have to be close to me to really know. I’d only really discussed it with my mentor, and here’s the first lesson – especially if you work on your own; get a mentor. It’s a vital investment.
Lesson 1: surround yourself with people who inspire your growth
My mentor is a guy called Paul Mort. He’s a multimillionaire mindset and success coach who helps people get out of their own way.
Long story short, I was in a room with him in December 2023. I told him where Codebreak was, that I was in a bad way, that I knew Andy wanted to leave and that I didn’t know how to do right by Andy, my wife, my family, by me.
Paul became my mentor, and in May 2024 I made the decision to buy Andy out and take over Codebreak.
My relationship with Paul is based on mutual respect, but also he’s achieved some things that I haven’t. That’s really useful to lean on. He’s surrounded by hundreds of other businesses going through similar problems, so he can pick knowledge from one scenario and apply it to another.
What’s also super helpful is that in his elite group, there are maybe 15 or 16 people, and 10 of them are millionaires. I’m not there yet, but they’ll be able to help me when I am.
Being around people who’ve been there, done it and got the t-shirt makes a huge difference.
Lesson 2: find your purpose – and it doesn’t have to be your day job
Having a purpose is also important. Sometimes your business is your purpose, but sometimes it’s a means to fund your purpose.
For instance, if you set up an e-commerce business that takes two hours a day to service and pays you £5k a month, you could use the other eight hours to volunteer at a soup kitchen.
My wife loves conservation and working with wildlife – that’s her purpose. But sometimes we talk about whether it needs to be her career, especially if she’s not happy or earning what she needs.
Whether or not you fulfill your purpose professionally, you can still find your purpose.
For example, I doubt many refuge collectors set out to become refuge collectors, but it’s important work. Hopefully, they find purpose elsewhere – maybe in martial arts, painting, family or volunteering.
Lesson 3: The grass is almost never greener on the other side
One of the bullet points on my notes is “sometimes the grass is greener because it’s fake.” In my experience, it’s fake nearly all the time.
When you look at someone on Instagram and think their life looks cool – it’s not the full picture. Or their lawn looks cool, but it’s actually that horrible plastic stuff which is terrible for the environment.
The lesson there is that the grass is never greener.
Anyone who’s got any level of success has had to work for it. You might say: “Well, what about lottery winners?” Find me a happy lottery winner. You won’t. People who have a lot of money aren’t necessarily happier; they just have more money.
Lesson 4: Don’t stress about stuff that might never happen
The next piece of advice not to fall on deaf ears: “don’t borrow tomorrow’s problems today.” Stop worrying about something that might be a problem tomorrow, because it might never happen.
I went through a stage where everything was a “future me” problem, and then future me had a breakdown. There’s got to be some self-preservation.
Worrying about what might happen versus what you can control is different.
I always say to myself: “Future Joel will thank me for this,” whether it’s tidying my desk before going home or having a glass of water after a Christmas party.
I’ve been rewatching Star Wars with my wife, and they talk about how “the future is clouded, so don’t try to predict it.” You can only control the now.
Lesson 5: it’s never too late to move towards your goals
And finally, don’t be consumed by regret. It’s never too late to move towards your goals.
The best time to plant a tree was 30 years ago. The second best time is now. It applies to everything – losing weight, getting fit, eating well, being kind. OK, it would’ve been better six months ago, but the next best time is now.
Anyway, make a list like this. Look at it weekly and it’ll help you remember advice you don’t want to forget.
And listen to a podcast called Motiversity; it’s full of this kind of stuff.
Don’t miss the next episode of Stay Hungry – we’ll dive into straight-talking insights on business marketing, growth mindset, and the realities of running a business. And if you want to take the hassle out of your marketing, we’ve got you covered with our done-for-you service.